I live and learn in a society that refuses to do so, boasts of being all knowing and can be taught nothing yet is clueless, that is my agony.
It’s been a strange first nine days of November, perhaps not so strange as this could be the new norm. See my new usual approach when I encounter people is a fresh slate, simply because I want to be afforded the same courtesy. I don’t want people assuming I am more or less than I am, I just want a chance to show myself. So every time I meet a person its an exciting feeling, because I never know what I am going to get. The hardest part of this is that these days getting to know a person is more a rude shock than a sweet surprise. I am not sure what it is but it all seems very surreal. People are constantly trying to get one over another person. Even conversations have double standards. Basically we have all become conquests for each other. I am not sure what value this adds to anyone but I think that’s what it is. The kind of existence we have now is one where you’re in a constant battle of wills, can’t let your guard down for nothing or no one.
I love to dive into peoples minds, sink to the bottom of that kind sea. These days all I get is puddles, no depth whatsoever, people are emotionally and morally bankrupt and they think it’s a cool thing to be. How can being devoid of any depth be cool at all? It’s another way of saying you have no substance, there is nothing to you but the constant need to win challenges. Always looking for the next big thing, never satisfied with anything you find or have and you want everything for yourself. Its easier to pretend that you have no fears than to actually face them. The worst part is that the good ones, out of fear of being outcast alter themselves and become part of the new norm. It’s a very sad and harsh reality. And now every time you encounter a person you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always waiting to discover their play. This is no way to live. I’m I perfect? No. I live and learn in a society that refuses to do so, boasts of being all knowing and can be taught nothing yet is clueless, that is my agony.
Yesterday my sister told me something daunting, that I was not built for a society such as this, hence I could not find one such as myself in such a devoid place. Perhaps she was right, perhaps she was wrong, whichever way I remain hopeful. My general belief is that people are supposed to be good, save for anything else, good is their natural order. In the least, I expect that from them. And because of this, there is always a few good ones broken in a few places but good. This is what gives me hope.
“Facades are easy, try something more challenging like being real.”