The only way to grow from change is to endure it, running from it is asking for another class.
There I was seated in my thoughts in his silence. Solace I had learnt not to claim as my own. It was his and he gave it as he pleased, he gave it abundantly all I had to do was ask. It has become my second home, my very nature, the silence. if I am quiet enough I can hear him speak. Whispering secrets of strength to my soul, luring my senses and challenging my intellect. Pure and good. And so in this place I sat, in peace with walls sky high. Walls I had built ages back but they stood firm and strong. I am no fool to still believe they give me peace, I know my source of peace make no mistake about that but the walls give me a sense of comfort, a false sense of comfort perhaps but comfort anyway.
And so in the silence he came to me, like he always did, as gentle as silence. “You must take them down,” he said. You see, he had urged me before, to take the walls down at my own pace. It was just easier to pretend they were not there. Every time he asked I ran, out of absolute panic I would make a mess of everything and return to ground zero. This time he didn’t ask me, he told me. It was an instruction, it would happen with or without me. I tried to run but he would not let me. This time I was going to endure the discomfort, whether I wanted to or not. Like a whirlwind he blew through my comfort, falling walls they became. Panic running riot in my mind, but peace reigning still in my heart, my soul stood firm. Change had come, it had been forced on me. nowhere to hide. My only choice is to endure it.
Endure I have and I still am. My walls have fallen and with them my pain, with it my sense of security, false be it but gone still. The worst discomfort I have ever felt but also the greatest peace. Vulnerability never felt so good. A challenge to believe in the good of mankind again even in the face of its hatefulness. To trust not in me, or mankind but in a force much bigger than life.
“Place your trust in that which is good, that which cannot change.”