One or the Other…

One or the other or both….

I pride myself in being a strong woman, comfortable in her own skin and aggressive about what she wants in life. I have my bad days but overall I think I’m great. I believe all of this confidently without seeking validation from anyone. The validation would be nice but if it’s not there it won’t kill me. This is were the trick lies, there is a complete misconception in society today, especially amongst women that a strong, “independent” woman needs no one, she needs nothing, she can do bad all by herself. That should she in anyway show vulnerability, then she is weak and desperate, and can never attain the epitome of that greatness. And many great women I know carry this cross and I am absolutely one of them.

Strong women have been led to believe that you cannot be strong and vulnerable, you can only be one, but not both. It is an unwritten rule that to need is weakness, to desire is weakness. More precisely we have been led to believe that to want emotional attachment is the lowest a woman can go. In whatever form, shape or size, you never let them see you sweat or in this case, need. I will speak for myself, for the most part I found it difficult to be my complete self, a strong woman who is as soft as a marsh mellow. According to society I couldn’t be both. I had to pick one. So pick I did, and I went for strength and I had to conceal what was perceived as weakness, the need for others, for emotional attachment. In fact what stressed me out the most was hiding the fact that I wanted it. Imagine a hopeless romantic pretending to be a cynic, it was a bad show. That was my cross to bare, and it’s such a heavy thing to carry. Why couldn’t I be both?

And so life taught me very recently, that you cannot show nonchalance(indifference) to what you want just to show you are strong or cool, and still expect it to reciprocate what it cannot see. You must carry your vulnerability like armour because it is a part of who you are, and who you are is not weakness. To need is strength, to acknowledge that need is even more, because it takes courage.

And so I will say this, there is strength in needing others. It is absolutely possible to be strong and to still feel the need for attachment with family, friends or the love of your life. You can be both! And whoever says otherwise is lying. To acknowledge it, frees you to need it freely. You have no need to prove to the world that you need no one. We all need someone. That fortunately is how life has been designed, and believing otherwise is setting yourself up to fail. I can happily acknowledge that right now I am having the time of my life. I am a strong, independent woman who is nothing without the love and support of her family and friends. I look forward to running an empire, falling in love someday, getting married and starting a family, and needing this is not weakness to me.


“There is strength in needing others.”



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