The Pessimist in Me…

I have no respect for the pessimist in me, I hold it in no form of regard.

Wednesday morning I walk into this conference room and it is filled with great minds beyond my comprehension. First thing that pops into my mind is they are all going to probably think I’m stupid. I don’t deserve to be here, I’m not seasoned enough yet. Can we all praise God for he doesn’t care much for my lowly thoughts and he placed me in that room anyway. I projected my thoughts onto people who hardly knew me. It is easier to believe that poor thoughts of yourself come from other people than to believe that they come from you. The latter is much harder to face, because it requires you to call yourself out. Despite all these feelings of fear that day, I stood up in that conference and spoke my mind, for one simple reason. I have no respect for the pessimist in me.

Its true the world can take quite a toll on your confidence, with its opinions, but you should rest in this, that all they get is an opinion. You choose to either take it or leave it. The pessimist in you is another story, the lies you tell yourself can tear you apart. And the biggest lie you can ever tell yourself is that all the negativity is coming from everybody else but you. The worst part is when the world agrees with your deepest fears. The worlds opinion then becomes your poor justification to not try anything. Because no one believes in you, so you tell yourself. When the truth is you don’t believe in you. I came to learn that there is not a being that walks this earth that can put me down as much as I can put me down. Each day I place my fears before me, my doubts. I acknowledge them and then fight them with all my might. I never clothe them as anything else. That’s just self pity and I want to believe I’m tougher than that.

I prefer the cold hard truth to acknowledge that I am definitely scared, that a part of me believes I can’t do it, that I will probably get rejected or I wont be sufficient. The pessimist in me throws all of this in my face and I jump right in just to prove it wrong. Sometimes it wins, sometimes I win but either way i’m always glad I took it on in its truest form. I will jump off a cliff just to prove to my fear that it ain’t nothing! I have no respect for the pessimist in me, I hold it in no form of regard. But I am not foolish enough to say it does not exist or it is caused by everyone else but me.

I want you to acknowledge one thing in all of this, that I am my biggest challenge. Not another person, the race is against me.

Kukie

“The only battle to win is the battle within, that place where we realize that we deserve to have and create all that we want in our lives.”

Ali Vincent

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