You cannot ask the world to see something in you, that you yourself cannot see.
Woke up saturday morning in a terrible state of mind, cried and screamed into my pillow just so the world couldn’t hear this stallion had finally broken. Nothing was wrong, in fact things couldn’t be more perfect, career going great, friends and family that love me, but the truth is that you can never have everything, that lacking you have, that thorn in your flesh no matter how small will often remind you of how human you are, and who you need to seek to fix it. So yes that thorn in my flesh decided to be extra uncomfortable that saturday morning, to remind me it was there, had me feeling very empty and hollow. This thorn in my flesh is the worlds oblivion to my existence.
Well that is probably a stretch, the world isn’t oblivious to my existence, it acknowledges that I am here, it sees me, most of it anyway. What drives me crazy is the rest of it, the bits of this wretched place I actually want, I could stand on a mountain top, sans clothes and yelling at the top of my lungs and they still wouldn’t see me and that there ladies and gentlemen made me weep for my poor self, how could these bright stars not see me, when I am so close they could touch me. So then without an answer, I allowed myself the twenty four hours to mop and after that as always pick the pieces and move on until the next break down session. Well this was the plan until I encountered this genius who asked me one simple question, do you see yourself? He asked me what I thought the world saw when they looked at me, my response was borderline sad and crazy, I can live with crazy not sad.
I was asking the world to see something in me that I myself could not see. Turns out i’m the first culprit, i’m oblivious to myself, idiot that I am. I need to acknowledge I am here, have the experience apparently, nurture myself, grow and bloom into a color of my own shade, no replica, the perfect original.
“So you forgot you existed and expected the world to remember,where is the logic in that?”