When its easier to run…

New found mantra, when it’s easier to run, stay. When it’s easier to stay, run. I am not enjoying it too much if I may add. The last couple of months have been time for self-discovery of my own. When I look back to nearly two years ago I have to say I am not the same woman. I am not perfect but I am definitely not the same being. Good growth has happened and I am proud. But then some traits have stayed and are yet to leave. So I discovered I still have fear only it’s disguised as strength. Hold on to your horses I will explain.

So fear disguised as strength. I have learnt to walk away from things that aren’t certain, simply because now I can, before I couldn’t, I held on until my hands bled, because I knew nothing else. I have mastered the art of letting go. Fear of the great unknown is still present but disguised as courage. Now I let go quick enough just to prove to myself I can, because for so long I could not. I find that it is easier to believe that something is not for me, it is easier to walk away from it and return my new found peace. It is much harder to believe that this may be, the possibility that it just could be what it seems to be. Graces begin to look like hurdles simply because they require you to stick it out and see it through to the end.

So then I can finally admit it, my biggest fear is that my strength will vacate, my peace will leave me should I entertain any foolishness. But the truth is that peace cannot leave an honest experience. Peace cannot vacate truth and cannot abandon a grace meant for you. It will however not entertain anything that violates its nature, it will leave, no questions asked. That is how you will know it is time to dust your feet off and leave too, because what gave you sanity is no longer there. Should you return, peace must be with you. So no don’t run, stay, and see it through. If it works out, that’s great. If it doesn’t that’s great too because now you know it never would have worked anyway.

Kukie

“Be brave, you will not see light at the end of the tunnel until you walk through the darkness.”

Leon Brown

4 comments

  1. “So fear disguised as strength” – you see why you are my favourite author; why i’m always excited about your work?! Damn. “That is how you will know it is time to dust your feet off and leave too, because what gave you sanity is no longer there.” Just, damn!

    Like

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