A Timid Heart…

Take courage they said, and I did. I grabbed it by the horns and swung with everything I had. It swung back with such rage, I could not hold on, got lost to the four winds I couldn’t find myself for a while, and when I did a little piece of me was lost. Jump they said, fall if you have to, someone will definitely catch you, for sure someone will catch you they encouraged. And so I took a giant leap, defiant as always, I jumped right off a cliff. The fall was beautiful, a story of tales gone before, the fall was a wonder. Its the landing that killed something in me, there was no one there, but the silence, the deafening silence, right between a rock and a hard place. Broken, I started to pick up pieces of me, others lost to the darkness, never to return to what once was.

And so here I was, a timid heart, afraid to chase, afraid to leap, afraid to believe in anything good. What I knew was doom, right around the corner doom was waiting for me. Dreams had made a mockery of me, hopes had made a fool of me, they liked to elude me, every time I chased them they made me believe they were not for me. And so I let them be for a while, watched from a distance as the brave ones chased and caught their dreams, as courageous hearts continued to hope in things they could not see. Fools I thought why go through so much trouble for a maybe, for a could happen and lots of might happen. Until I met another timid heart, so unsure of himself but he spoke anyway. “Coward,” he said, “this is the hole you have chosen for yourself then.” fear etched across his face, as if he had seen darkness, but he had seen his old self. With so little words he said, its in the roller coaster, in the taking you apart where you find what you really need.

So no, this isn’t bravery with no fears, courage with no recluse. Its a timid heart, a fearful heart, trying, believing, hoping for something good, something just and kind. A timid heart, a tainted heart,ready to break if it has to just to find you, its little ray of sunshine.

Kukie…

“No heart is so hard, as the timid heart,”

Norman Mailer

 

2 comments

  1. And yet another wonderful piece of poetry…
    Thank you once again.
    And again, for inspirations of hope in the gloom and doom of a timid heart.
    “… its in the roller coaster, in the taking you apart where you find what you really need.”
    It’s in being tossed about and getting “lost to the four winds”; in falling off the cliff; and I picking oneself up, albeit with timidity, that one finds out they really need.
    I will just say, thanks. I needed this.

    Liked by 1 person

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