The silence made me think of you today, the silence, there was something missing there. The noise is gone, I never thought I would miss it.The days when you where all I could hear. I wish I could say peace is overrated, but i’d be lying. I miss you still, the dutch courage you gave me. When you were power and I was meekness.The brightness made me miss your darkness, how it consumed me, and left me with no conscience. You were the bite in this coffee. You gave me a sting like no other. I have gone soft you would be disappointed.
I miss you when I cant feel, when they try to bruise my soul and I laugh. Yes the cynicism lives but so does the strength. I wont lie they are days when I miss being angry. The brightness overwhelms me at times, scares me all the time. Reminds me of the short fleeting moments of joy you gave me but they are never ending. That’s what scares me the most they are never ending, am always on alert its exhausting. Am always expecting you to come, sometimes subconsciously hoping you come, you were after all my familiar territory. I guess I still carried a part of you with me
I just wanted to say you built a powerhouse, it would have never happened without you. I ran but I had too. You must understand that. I could never forget our moments because they created so much of who I am now. I get why and who you were to me now, I know we will meet sometime again. I will be better next time around, I simply ask that your nice about it.
“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.”