Alone Before Together…

Alone before together, that is the general trajectory the life of a young adult takes. The catch is though, no one ever properly prepares you for this line of true events, from birth we are taught units, we are taught to share everything, toys, food, thoughts, feelings, even clothes(if you grew up in my household) and to basically co-exist with others. We are taught friends and family are an important thing, we are taught that we need the love of others and they need ours. From a young age without knowing we are taught dependency, and those doing it teach without knowing that which they  do. For them it is a show of love and humanity. But the time comes to leave the nest, and when leaving these nests we all leave with some sort of dysfunction (well at least I left with my fair share).Some of us leave at just the right time, some of us leave earlier than anticipated and others leave in a manner they would much rather forget. But the one thing we all leave with, is a dysfunction and with our dysfunction we quickly align ourselves with others that have similar dysfunctions, so we trade in one unit for another.

No one takes the time to teach you how to exist on your own. How to love yourself and treat you right. Instead we are taught to give of ourselves and expect our self worth to come from others. Its because of this that we start looking for a sense of belonging, some of us like to call it happiness.Its through this looking that we find out that just as much as the world is kind and sweet, it can be a cold and sinister place. People firstly are just as confused as you are, in there confusion they will abuse you ,hurt you, disregard you and in their own misguided way they will perceive that as love, sometimes as a show of strength, and sometimes just to have a battle of wills. You will want affection from people, and most of the times you wont get it, and as foolish and young as you are you will take this as a reflection on you and not them. It will take you a while before you discover you need to learn the loops first, learn what you’ve got, its worth. You will need to learn to exist first, before you can co-exist.

Alone before together, even Adam with God on his side started out alone first. Unfortunately I learn all these things by experiencing them, am not perfect. I will admit it, Until a few days back I was afraid of being alone, ending up alone and I would have taken on anything. Then one morning it dawned on me and here is my two cents. Discover you first, before another human, you’re complicated enough. Take a time out, just for you, a few months , a year. Learn your likes and your dislikes. Set standards and stick to them, if people can’t live up to them, that’s to bad . Learn to compromise but most importantly learn when to compromise and when to walk. Read to grow your mind, travel to see other walks of life and find interests, keeping in mind you attract what you are.Unfortunately the only way to discover and learn the good in this world is to interact and sometimes it will hurt, sometimes it will be joy either way do it bravely. Put yourself out there, don’t alter a thing about you. Others will appreciate it, others wont. Their disapproval is not a reflection on you but on them, so quite frankly what they think is non of your business. Learn to wait, after all patience is a virtue, never settle for anything less than what you aspire for, no matter how desperate the situation gets DON’T SETTLE that’s a recipe for disaster. Try to not make permanent decisions over temporary situations. Most importantly love yourself, spoil yourself with whatever you like, treat yourself to expensive dinners and fine wines, go see your favorite movies. Do all this knowing that you have set a precedence for whoever comes along. You need to learn to be alone first

A smart mouth I know once told me, “Calm down, you will be fine, our daddy issues mean we are always seeking company, You deserve happiness, I hope you know that. Just make sure when you choose someone, its actually someone you really want otherwise it becomes a revolving door. Decide what you want, have confidence in it and do not compromise it for anything.” If you can’t comprehend and learn all this and more you will forever be a slave to other peoples approval , and that has got to be a hellish life.


“I restore myself when am alone”

Marilyn Monroe



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