Say hello to my little past….

So you’re bored, literally bored out of your mind. Your phone hasn’t rang in days, and just that is driving you crazy. You’re just craving some attention, entertainment,some excitement in your otherwise drab life. Because all of a sudden, that life you have that has everything you need. Filled with amazing graces, joys and beautiful people has all of a sudden in that moment become drab and you cant bare it. Apparently you feel lost and alone, sometimes you cry yourself to sleep, because sleeping alone gives you such a void. You feel the world doesn’t understand, how could they understand right? they know nothing. Because you’re the only one whose ever felt that way, right? Only one whose been there and done it all. You feel misunderstood and unappreciated. You little ingrate. And so you go looking for all that excitement, contentment, that stupidity if you ask me, in the one place you shouldn’t be looking. You foolish foolish human, you just had to go and say hello to your “little” past.

So solace you seek, and solace you will not find, not behind you anyway. Instead all you find is the Pandora’s box, remember that little box you swore you would not open, you would never return to, because at that point you knew nothing good lay in it for you, but everything sweet you would find in it, for a while at least. You were wise then, you know. You knew better, you had been burned a thousand times over, the pain had grilled some sense into you, the pain had left its mark as it always did, each time you returned. But alas, here we are again, all logic has left you,yet again,you have all but forgotten. You turned back to your little past, you drew out the devil, just as you always did. You danced with him and his dead promises. Yes I know they are dead because we have been here a thousand times before, only you seem to forget, how or why you forget is what baffles me, you remember the few sweet moments but forget the many painful episodes. You swear its going to be different this time, but it was never different the last thousand times. the outside looked different yes, but at the center it was the same filth, it always is, it always will be. The past has nothing to offer you but lessons. You cant change it, it is what it is.

Is a blank page really that bad? You cant do much with filled pages but read them. Their story has already been told, whats the use in writing an old tale on a new page. It would never be an original, it would just be a rewrite, at times a great rewrite, at other times a not so great rewrite but all in all it would be a REWRITE.But with a blank page your options are insurmountable you have a chance of writing a beautiful story, a sad story or an epic one either way it will be an ORIGINAL. I don’t believe in rewriting history, I believe in writing a whole new one. So, uncertain, alone, lost, misunderstood and more are all fancy terms for a blank page, a fresh start if you will. Question is do you have anything new to write or are you too much of a coward and rewrites are your only play…

Kukie…

“You cant start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

Unknown

 

9 comments

  1. You’ve said everything I’ve been asking to hear, I will not bother spending every countless minute ripping at your heart for answers you will never give me directly and more hurt by having to read it as to hear it personally from the source, YES more hurt indeed but at least the comfort of knowing my position in your life and any love for me left in your heart, so I will stop trying to fight for a future that someone feels isn’t worth fighting for and will have enough love in MY heart to let go of someone who’s not happy and wants to start a new story in her life, although I never wanted any of this and it’s hurt and is gonna continue hurting till death I have no choice than to try and put the blank page in front of me, trying not to get writters block by dwelling on my last novel and push forward writing one that will change my life and the lives of others, always and forever you will be loved, your use to be E….

    Like

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