Woman Enough For Me…

Inadequacy, something I used to constantly struggle with , used to! am so glad am able to say that, though it does come back from time to time, the struggle is real. The dictionary definition of the word inadequate goes on to say insufficient, not enough, a lack thereof. I could go on but am sure we all get it. So yes, am bold enough to say  for sometime I never felt enough for anyone, I always felt I fell short and was just not nearly as good enough, as I always thought they deserved better. Funny enough I never even felt enough for me too. Hence, if anyone can relate, you start looking for adequacy in others, then you find you can’t necessarily get it there. Half the time you spend worrying on whether you meet their criteria or not and the other half you’re worrying about when they will eventually wake up and realize they could do so much better than you. In fact they almost like it when you grovel for their approval. If you’re anything like me, you either bend over backwards to make them happy or my personal favorite, you then give the world your back, put up your walls, then my go to statement comes in, I can do bad, all by myself…

And for a while I was bad all by myself, bullish, fierce, amazingly capable and great at feigning an “I don’t care” attitude over my failures. It worked for a while but the work to be on top of it all is what wore me out. Believe it or not, attaining perfection is stressful, worst part is you can never fully attain it anyway. Never letting the world see you sweat is a 24 hours 7 days a week job. My keeping it together constantly, all the time soon begged the question, WHY?Why did I feel so small, feel the need to show the world I was great all the time, and for the first time I was honest enough with myself. I knew it wasn’t about the world, it was about me. How I saw myself, I had to be enough for me, I somehow had to accept myself. Regardless of what everyone thought, what I thought mattered the most. Hence I had to be ok with being at odds with some of the world. Some would have me and some would not, and that was ok. Their inability to not see my great traits would not take anything from me, actually in some instances it would be their loss.I then learnt you can never have the whole world play for your team. But it’s also okay to have a team, to rely on others. It leaves you vulnerable but that’s ok too because vulnerability in its own crude way is a great teacher too. I discovered, there is strength in needing others, not weakness but strength in needing the right kind of people, the greatest show of courage lies in your ability to wait on those right people and not grab at any slight affection thrown your way. Get yourself some of those and you will reach greater heights but always remember if they leave they take nothing away from you.

So then I write this to inspire you, to encourage you, who ever feels inadequate, small or insignificant your thoughts are lying to you, you are so much more than inadequate. So here goes…from one inadequacy syndrome survivor to the next. Hi my name is Kukie, am tall enough, am short enough. Am overweight, underweight or somewhere in between. Am dark enough, and just the right shade of light. Am pretty enough, crazy enough, smart enough, daft enough. I am a hopeless romantic, I wear my heart on my sleeves, I believe in happily ever afters and that’s ok. You may like me, you may not and that’s ok too. Am a little weird in places and a little normal in others. I would probably bare my soul to you on first meet, that’s just me. I succeed and I fail. I hold on to nonsense until I realize it’s nonsense, that’s just my way of dealing with things. So yes I may  not fit your bill, and am at peace with that.I may not be great at all things but that’s ok, I understand the fact that I don’t have to be. I need people, friends and family, and I finally get its ok to need them.  Just a young woman, getting comfortable in her skin, and not the worlds, who finally gets her self worth, who needs no humans approval but her own, simply because I finally get that I am woman enough for me.

Kukie…

“And in that moment it hit me, I was just the right amount of everything.”

M.N

6 comments

  1. I could go on, but I’m sure that that’s adequate 😀 #SillyIKnow #ThatsWhyYouTheWriter

    your depth is deep: “…you can never have the whole world play on your team. But its ok to have a team…” #Depth

    Today’s piece proves to me, yet again, you gat it! Your writings flaw me to perfection… #TotallyInspiredAndUplifted #MyFavouriteWriter

    I too am woman enough for me 😀 #MyFavouriteWriter

    Like

  2. Wowsers!
    This piece literally got me off my chair, standing up and clapping. Worthy of a standing ovation.
    “I discovered, there is strength in needing others…strength in needing the right kind of people.”
    A realization that only comes with the growth of the soul.

    Like

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