I remember, my college sweetheart forcing me to do this, to “define the relationship.” In fact he wanted me to define it so bad, he made me watch
How I met your mother season 5 episode 1 titled “Definitions.” Though he denies it to this day, that, that was not his intention at all (yet we all know it was). Come to think of it that is how I knew the series existed actually. Anyway, the episode basically centers around Barney and Robin, and how they are hesitant to define their relationship, how they seem comfortable in their state of limbo, up until certain factors start coming into play, like robin being asked out for a date by some one else etc. People are usually afraid of asking for definitions, because they don’t want to seem too pushy, or too invested and desperate or they don’t want to simply push the person away.
Its one thing to not want to define a relationship, when there is nothing going on. When you don’t hang out as much, when you don’t talk as much. When nothing basically is going on, just basic acquaintance. That’s one thing but when you actually look at it, that sort of interaction is defined, it has boundaries, and people will usually know when they have stepped over them. I actually think the biggest problem, isn’t whether people define their relationships or not. The problem is they will usually give their relationships the wrong definition, not because they don’t know what it’s true definition is exactly, but because they are afraid of what it’s true definition may mean. I find that people will usually not give a definition for three reasons. Firstly, commitment, the fear of it. The fear of being tied down I guess, the fear of missing out on something greater, I suppose. Secondly, all play, when it’s all just games to them, when they are looking for just a little fun, and on to the next one when they get bored. Thirdly, uncertainty, when they are not sure if you’re “it” , so you’re basically in a “trail and error” situation. Either way all three reasons cannot be fun for who ever is expecting something different from that particular understanding.
Definitions are important. They give everyone concerned proper understanding with no room for misconceptions. If not given, people will always create their own understanding, and when it turns out that it’s not as they thought, they get angry and hurt. I remember reading a quote that said “I might be too young to settle down, but I’m definitely too old to be playing anymore games. I’m to old to just be talking to someone, too old to not know what’s really going on, and too old to be entertaining somebody with no intentions of making it work. At this age I’m only interested in consistency, stability, respect and loyalty.” This is basically a person giving their definition with no room for misunderstandings.
It’s ok to ask for a definition, it doesn’t make you seem desperate, in fact it shows that you’re an assertive person, not looking for anybody to waste your time. Define the Relationship, because you could have your head in the clouds, when in reality, it’s really down in the gutter………..
“Some people like a challenge , but not everyone wants to date a Rubik’s cube.”
“Define complicated: it’s when you’re more than friends, but not really. It’s like you’re lovers, when it’s really otherwise.”